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Romance scams

Romance scams weaponize human emotions, combining social engineering with emotional manipulation to defraud victims. In 2024, these scams resulted in higher average losses than almost any other fraud type, with devastating emotional and financial consequences.

The Scale of the Problem

2024 Statistics:

$1.14 billion lost to romance scams
$4,500 median loss per victim (highest of any scam category)
50% of romance scams start on Facebook or Instagram
64,000+ reports to FTC (2024)
70% of victims are women, but men lose more on average ($3,900 vs $2,500)
40% of victims over 60 years old

How Romance Scams Work

The Typical Progression:

Stage 1: First Contact (Week 1)

Scammer finds victim on dating app, social media, or messaging platform
Profile uses stolen photos (often of military personnel, models, or professionals)
Initial message is personalized, flattering, and seems genuine

Stage 2: Building Trust (Weeks 2-4)

Constant communication (texts, calls, video chats using deepfakes)
Rapid emotional escalation (“I’ve never felt this way,” “You’re my soulmate”)
Shares fabricated personal details to build false intimacy
Love bombing: excessive affection, future planning, pet names

Stage 3: Creating Distance (Month 2)

Claims to live far away or work overseas
Excuses for why meeting in person is impossible:
- Military deployment
- Working on oil rig
- Business trip abroad
- Medical issue preventing travel

Stage 4: The Ask (Month 2-3)

Financial “emergency” arises:
- Medical emergency for them or family member
- Business opportunity requiring quick investment
- Travel expenses to come visit you
- Legal fees, customs charges, visa costs
Requests gift cards, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency
May ask victim to receive/forward packages (money mule activity)

Stage 5: Escalation

Initial request is small ($500-$1,000) to test willingness
Requests increase in frequency and amount
New crises constantly arise
If victim expresses doubt, scammer uses guilt, anger, or renewed affection
Cycle continues until victim has no more money

Types of Romance Scams

1. Traditional Romance Fraud

Long-term emotional manipulation leading to financial requests.

Common scenarios:

Military romance scams (fake deployed soldiers)
Overseas worker scams (oil rig, construction, doctor)
Widower/widow scams (fabricated tragic backstory)

2. “Pig Butchering” (Sha Zhu Pan)

Combines romance with cryptocurrency investment fraud.

How it works:

Scammer builds romantic relationship
Casually mentions successful cryptocurrency investments
Offers to “teach” victim how to invest
Directs victim to fraudulent trading platform
Victim sees fake profits, invests more money
When victim tries to withdraw, platform freezes account
Scammer vanishes with all invested funds

2024 Impact:

$3.2 billion lost to pig butchering globally
Average loss: $121,000 per victim
Operations run from Southeast Asia using trafficked workers

3. Sextortion

Scammer develops online relationship, then blackmails victim.

How it works:

Conversation turns intimate/sexual
Scammer requests explicit photos/videos
Threatens to share content with victim’s contacts unless paid
Demands payment in cryptocurrency or gift cards

Reality: Often the scammer has no actual content; they’re bluffing.

4. Fake Dating Platform Scams

Entire dating websites created to facilitate fraud.

Red flags:

Site requires payment before messaging
Profiles seem too good to be true
Limited verification processes
Aggressive monetization (pay per message)

5. Inheritance/Windfall Scams

Scammer claims unexpected wealth but needs help accessing it.

Common story:

Discovered inheritance or business windfall
Needs victim’s help to access funds
Requests money for legal fees, taxes, or processing
Promises to share wealth once released

Red Flags: Identifying Romance Scammers

🚩 Profile red flags:

Photos look like professional model shots
Very few photos or photos seem inconsistent
Profile created recently
Vague or generic profile information
Claims to live far away

🚩 Communication red flags:

Declares love very quickly (days or weeks)
Refuses video calls or makes excuses
Uses generic terms (“dear,” “my love”) instead of your name
Messages have unusual phrasing or grammar errors
Quickly wants to move off dating platform to email/text
Shares dramatic personal stories early on

🚩 Relationship red flags:

Can’t meet in person (always has excuses)
Plans to meet but emergencies always prevent it
Relationship progresses very fast emotionally
Makes you feel like “soulmates” immediately
Love bombing: excessive flattery and affection

🚩 Financial red flags:

Mentions money problems or asks about your finances
Requests money for emergencies, travel, medical bills
Asks for gift cards, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency
Requests you receive/forward packages
Asks you to open bank account or receive money
Investment opportunity that seems too good to be true
Pressure to invest in cryptocurrency with their “guidance”

Verification Procedures

Before Trusting an Online Romantic Interest:

Reverse image search their photos
- Use Google Images, TinEye, or PimEyes
- Upload their profile photos to check if they’re stolen
- Scammers often use photos of models, military personnel, or influencers
Verify their identity
- Request video call (live, not pre-recorded)
- Ask them to send photo holding paper with today’s date and your name
- Check their social media profiles (do they have friends, family, history?)
- Search their phone number on Google and social media
Watch for consistency
- Do their stories match over time?
- Can they provide specific details about their life?
- Do they remember things you’ve told them?
Slow down the relationship
- Genuine connections don’t require rushing
- Real people understand if you want to take things slow
- Scammers will pressure fast emotional commitment
Never send money
- Legitimate romantic interests don’t ask for money early in relationships
- No matter the sob story, don’t wire money to someone you’ve never met
- Never invest money based on online romantic partner’s advice

If They Request Money:

Stop communication immediately
Do not send any money, gift cards, or cryptocurrency
Do not agree to receive/forward packages (you could be an unwitting money mule)
Save all messages as evidence
Report to the platform where you met them
Report to FTC and FBI IC3

Real-World Examples

Case Study 1: Military Romance Scam (2024)

Victim: 68-year-old widow in Florida Loss: $2.3 million over 18 months

The scam:

Scammer used photos of real Army general
Claimed to be deployed in Afghanistan
Built relationship over 3 months before first money request
Initial ask: $12,000 for “emergency medical care”
Escalated to larger amounts for “early retirement processing,” “bringing money home from deployment”
Victim liquidated retirement accounts, took out loans

Red flags missed:

No military member needs civilians to send money
Army pays for all medical care
Retirement processing is free for military members
Real person in photos was easily findable online

Result: Victim lost life savings, home foreclosed. Scammer never caught (operated from Nigeria).

Case Study 2: Pig Butchering Crypto Romance (2024)

Victim: 42-year-old software engineer in California Loss: $1.8 million

The scam:

Met “successful businesswoman” on dating app
After 2 months of daily communication, she mentioned her crypto trading profits
Offered to teach victim her investment strategy
Directed him to “exclusive” cryptocurrency exchange website
Victim invested $50,000 initially, saw “profits” grow to $280,000
Encouraged to invest more; victim sold house, maxed credit cards
When tried to withdraw, platform demanded 20% “tax” to release funds
After paying tax, platform went offline, scammer disappeared

Red flags missed:

Cryptocurrency exchange was fake (domain registered 2 weeks before victim joined)
No legitimate exchange requires upfront “taxes” on withdrawals
“Profits” were completely fabricated numbers on fake website
Scammer controlled entire platform

Result: Victim lost everything, declared bankruptcy. Platform operators based in Southeast Asia, unreachable.

Case Study 3: Sextortion Blackmail (Summer 2024)

Victim: 19-year-old college student Initial demand: $5,000 in Bitcoin

The scam:

Met person on Instagram claiming to be college student from nearby city
Moved conversation to Snapchat
Conversation became sexual, victim sent intimate photos
“Person” immediately demanded payment or would send photos to victim’s family and friends
Showed victim screenshot of their Facebook friends list to prove threat

Red flags:

Relationship escalated to sexual content within hours
Request for intimate photos early in conversation
Immediate blackmail after receiving photos

Result: Victim reported to police before paying. FBI investigation revealed scammer was part of organized group in Nigeria. Most victims pay initially but demands continue. In this case, reporting prevented payment and scammer moved to other targets.

Protection Strategies

On Dating Platforms:

Use reputable dating sites/apps
- Match, eHarmony, Bumble, Hinge (better verification)
- Avoid obscure or new dating platforms
- Check platform’s safety features and reporting tools
Protect your privacy
- Don’t share your last name, address, or workplace early on
- Don’t share financial information
- Don’t connect social media accounts until you’ve met in person
- Use different passwords for dating apps
Meet in person early
- Suggest meeting in public within first few weeks
- If they refuse or have constant excuses, that’s a major red flag
- Never send money to someone you haven’t met in person
Trust your instincts
- If it feels too good to be true, it probably is
- If you feel pressured, that’s a warning sign
- Talk to friends/family about the person (outside perspective helps)

General Protection:

Never send money to online romantic interests
Don’t invest based on online romantic partner’s advice
Refuse to receive/send packages for online romantic interests
Don’t share intimate photos with people you haven’t met
Be skeptical of people who can’t video chat or meet in person
Do reverse image searches on all profile photos
Tell someone you trust about your online relationships

Red Flag Responses:

If your online romantic interest:

Asks for money → End contact immediately
Can’t video chat after several requests → They’re hiding something
Won’t meet in person after months → Not genuine
Offers investment advice → It’s a scam
Love bombs you immediately → Manipulation tactic
Has constant emergencies → Fabricated sob stories

What To Do If You’re a Victim

Immediate Actions:

Stop all contact with the scammer
- Block them on all platforms
- Do not respond to future messages
- They may use guilt or anger to manipulate you further
Stop sending money immediately
- Do not send “one more payment”
- Do not try to “recover” losses by sending more
- Scammers may pretend to be lawyers/officials offering recovery (another scam)
If money was sent:
- Gift cards: Contact the company (Amazon, iTunes, etc.) immediately with card numbers
- Wire transfer: Contact your bank and Western Union/MoneyGram
- Cryptocurrency: Contact the crypto exchange; report wallet addresses
- Credit card: Dispute charges with your card issuer

Document Everything:

Save all messages, emails, texts
Screenshot profiles and conversations
Save photos they sent you
Note dates and amounts sent
Keep receipts for all transactions

Report the Scam:

FTC: ReportFraud.ftc.gov
FBI IC3: ic3.gov (especially for losses over $5,000)
Dating platform: Report the profile
Social media: Report the account
RomanceScams.org: Share your story to warn others

Emotional Recovery:

Don’t blame yourself
- These are sophisticated criminals
- Anyone can fall victim to manipulation
- Shame prevents reporting; you did nothing wrong
Seek support
- Talk to trusted friends or family
- Consider counseling (many specialize in scam victims)
- Join support groups (AARP, RomanceScams.org forums)
Be aware of recovery scams
- Scammers may pose as “recovery services” or lawyers
- Claim they can get your money back for an upfront fee
- These are secondary scams targeting existing victims

Financial Recovery:

Check credit reports for unauthorized accounts
Consider credit freeze if you shared SSN or financial info
Contact local legal aid about options
Some losses may be tax-deductible (consult accountant)
Be wary of “recovery services” (often scams themselves)

Key Takeaways

✅ Romance scams cost victims $1.14 billion in 2024
✅ Never send money to someone you’ve only met online
✅ Reverse image search profile photos to check for stolen images
✅ Meet in person early in public places; endless excuses are red flags
✅ Watch for rapid emotional escalation and love bombing
✅ Pig butchering scams combine romance with fake crypto investments
✅ Genuine relationships don’t require rushing or financial assistance
✅ Report scams to protect others from the same criminal

Remember: Real love develops naturally over time and doesn’t come with financial demands. If someone you’ve never met in person asks for money, it’s a scam—no matter how genuine the relationship feels. Trust your instincts, and don’t let embarrassment prevent you from protecting yourself.